Fatty, fatty, fatty!!!

Okei, I am the first to say it, I don't suffer from anorexia nor do I hate food. My love affair with meat, grease and carbs has been a long and happy one.. We are close. BUT, I don't exactly look like Johnny Depp's mom in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" either, so relax!

Have ya' seeeeen a Vietnamese person? They're not big.. The last time I asked my mom she didn't have any news for me regarding my "background". As far as I know I am 100% Vietnamese blooded.. I should be ittybitty tiny.. But I am not.
And here's where the pizza begins to smell!

Since I've been here I've heard several times that I am fat! And in very creative ways as well! That I must admit! Hahahaha....NAWT!

Read and weep for me:

I was gonna buy a scooter and the bellman here took me to his friends that was selling his. I test drove it but I though it was quite big. Looked like a man's bike, me not liiikeee.. So I told him that. And his reply?
" You're a fat girl, you can't have a small scooter, it will not be able to carry you around! It will break, no, you need a strong one...."
Well thaaaaank you! Do you have any other stuff you want to sell me?? Have ya seeeen what they carry around on the bikes?? I am ONE person!?

We have a corporate football team and they were playing so some of us at the hotel went to watch them. I sat on one of the other girls scooter and she drove me... We were driving back when one of the guys from our team (!) came up beside us and asked the girl that drove me why SHE drove ME. He said I was fat and heavy and that she had to be careful so she didn't lose her balance while driving me.... The man wasn't exactly Mr. Picture Perfect himself..Excuse me?? And the worst part of it was he said it to HER, and he knows I understand Vietnamese.
Didn't make things any better that when I got back to the hotel the same day I was pinched (seriously) by one in HK while she passed me..And then she said something about me being firm and tight to pinch even though I was fat! Happy times!

Yesterday the ladies came with some fruit here in the office and they gave me some and it was sooour!! She asked me if I liked sour fruit I said "no I like sweet fruit", and she replied; "That's why you're fat"...Yeah it's the sweet FRUIT that makes me fat...aaaah now I get it. Note to self; STOP EATING WATERMELON!

They do not sugarcoat it yeah? Probably because they think I've had enough sugar..hahaha.. This is just tooooo much.. You have to laugh about it, what else am I supposed to do?
The thing is that they don't take 5cents to comment on how you look. I mean, I ain't exactly well known for being modest myself, but this is just out of my league. These people are pros! It's not like half of them are Eva Menendez look alike's but they feel the, how shall I say this, the "urge" to tell you what they "feel" about my appearance... Whadeva:)

My goal is to leave this country without any eating disorder I didn't come with.Snack time!

The Police (no, not the band)..The actual police..

It was bound to happen sooner or later...Today was the day. I was stopped by the police while driving around town on my scooter! Everyone who has been here in Vietnam knows that there is one rule in traffic, which is; NO RULE! Get out alive and the rest is up to you!

I was driving and drinking (a caramel freeze) when the cops drove beside me and told me to pull over... It's my uncle's bike so I didn't have any papers on me. And they kinda knew right off that I was an easy bate due to my retard accent. They were probably thinking "ding ding ding JACKPOT!" Any who, I was told that I had broken the law (yeah right) by not driving around in the roundabout but just taken a u-turn.. Whatever.. True enough.. BUT, here's where the fish starts to stink..

They began to say "Oh no, we have to take your bike in for a month, unless you can settle it now just between us...bla bla bla.." Not very subtle but OK..
Had to pocket out 300 000 VND which is roughly 15 USD. I was told later on here in the office that that was waaaaay too much.. I am happy I can contribute to the Vietnamese economy.. Hehehe..One experience richer for only 100 NOK, a bargain! :)

I am thinking, fukk any GM positions in any 5 star hotels.. I am going to become a policewoman in Vietnam.. I mean seeeeriously you can make a freaking fortune by just standing on the side of the road down here and collect money.. I am surprised the police has any other jobs than just patrolling the roads for mischief in the traffic.. NO ONE FOLLOWS ANY RULES! My bloody cousin drove backwards on the freaking highway! They sit up to 6 people on one motorbikes, and there's no "my side-your side" thing down here.. WE SHARE, left right, same same... Speed limits..speed what???

Have to find the web page for the police academy down here, I am enrolling today.. Ka'chiiing!

Whadeva....